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Saving a relationship can be one of the most difficult things you will ever do. The reason for this is that the end of a relationship results in highly charged emotions. When this happens, we are often vulnerable to saying or doing something we may later regret and, in turn, push the love of our live even farther away. In turn, we run the risk of losing them forevever. Often, what feels like the "right" thing to do emotionally turns out to be the "wrong" thing to do in reality. Think of the stock market -- when everyone sells, the right thing to do is buy but since emotions overule logic, we make the same mistakes that bad investors make. Although calling our ex and telling him or her that we still love them and miss them might feel right to do emotionally, it is actually the wrong thing to do. In fact, we should take a contrarian, or counterintuitive approach to saving a relationship. I have previously written about accepting the break up decision. This is one of the first step steps to saving a relationship. Let your ex know that you accept the break up, that you appreciate how difficult the decision would have been but that you understand just how important your freedom is. Deliver the message with as positive an attitude as possible.. In keeping with the counterintuitive steps, the next thing you must do is stop communicating with your ex. Taking this next step will have two great effects. The first is that give your ex some time alone to wonder why you were so compliant about the break-up. Plus, your ex will wonder why you had such a great, positive attitude about the whole thing. The image in your ex's mind will be of a happy, free single. And this was probably how you met; as a happy and free single! This image will result in memories of the good times (a good thing). The second great effect is that your ex will stop thinking of the negative aspects of the relationship (as a sort of self-justification for breaking up in the first place) and will instead wonder about the happy and free single man/woman who hasn't returned his or her calls; this time alone will really let your ex miss you. Since your ex will have a positive image in mind, positive memories will flood the negatives ones and with no communication with you, your ex will wonder why they ever broke up in the first place. Now it will be up to your ex to take the steps necessary for saving a relationship. These counterintuitive steps should give you a basic foundation for saving a relationship. Understandably, they are difficult to put into action and will require faith in just how solid your relationship was in the first place. But one thing you should remember is that most people hate change. They would prefer a mediocre relationship than running the risk of starting a new one with someone they probably haven't found yet.
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Samantha Fulcher is the Relationship Advisor for The Match Maker Review. For tips on how to get your ex back, visit Help Get My Ex Back.
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